Spoonerism for the people...

"Let's mate until we're wearied!"

For the thick of head, it's derived from "let's wait until we're married", like, not have sexy times until married. I did a half-assed search for it and couldn't find anything, so I hereby claim coinageitude on it yo. This, my first post in four years. Lame.

The Last Chapter...

We arrived in Cuenca pretty late and took a cab to our friend Francis Yang's place where we would stay for about a week. Francis is head of piano studies at Cuenca University; his students take very good care of him in Ecuador, and they extended their kindness to us as well, organizing hikes, suggesting good lunch places, lending cars, and generally being very nice to us.

We drove out to Cajas National Park just west of the city on our first weekend there. There were six of us who made the trip - three piansists, a singer, Neil, and Jen. The trail started at a sort of outdoor church which was built after a local saw the Virgin Mary appear on a rock. We looked but couldn't see her. It was a Sunday, so the place was crawling with worshippers.

The region of Cajas that we saw was scrubby, with low hills that were for the most part accessible, and we managed to coax all four of the musicians up to the peak of a mountain without too much trouble. There were a couple of ducks in a laguna but that was the extent of the wildlife. Well, there was the singer. He asked me repeatedly to take photos of him in front of picturesque backdrops (just in case he needed Vaughan Williams Vagabond album covers on short notice), and would send hoots and long sustained cries through the hills.

I went to Francis' student examination performances early in the week, and was extremely impressed at the quality of the playing; Francis has elevated the standards tremendously by challenging his students. I was particularly impressed by a performance of Beethoven's Waldstein sonata, a very difficult piece, that was played with true courage by one of his second-year students.

We spend the rest of the week in Cuenca walking around, working, and planning our final week in South America. This was a fairly painful process, since we still had about three weeks worth of stuff to do, and were feeling the sting of perceived lost opportunities.

From among our options, we decided on another three days in the jungle, so we booked ourselves in to Aliñahui Lodge near Tena, in the Oriente region of Ecuador. We flew from Cuenca to Quito, dropped off a bunch of our stuff in a hotel, and went by bus back into the jungle.

The drive was beautiful, on winding roads through jungle-covered mountains and hills. There was rain on the way there, and we passed an overturned car and distressed looking guy on a particularly steep portion. Nobody was injured. The car had to be turned back onto its wheels, so another driver had tied his bumper to the overturned car's axle with a nylon rope, and yoinked on it. They succeeded, miraculously.

Tena was a funny little jungle town. We watched the Copa America semifinals in the Beer House there, which was fun. 1$/750mL bottles of Pilsener.

We took a series of buses out to the lodge and checked in to our little house on stilts. This jungle felt much less isolated and jungly that the Peruvian jungle, which took two days in a boat to visit, but there were plenty of birds and interesting insects to greet us. The place was not a volunteering spot... we were carefully looked after and fed by the staff.

A walk that night revealed many very strange insects and spiders. You could basically pick a plant, any plant, and on close examination find one or two things that would blow your mind. My favourites were the sunburst jumping spider (I don't know what it's actually called, but it was awesome), and the leaf and stick insects. We also saw a showndown between a baby tree boa and a tree frog. No blood was spilled. Damn. Well, it's not like it would have been a fair fight. There's no way the tree frog could have eaten the snake, right? That actually reminds me of bullfrogs around Powell River, BC, who are having a huge impact on SONGBIRD POPULATIONS!!!! These frogs are big enough (and fast enough) to eat songbirds!!! Whoa.

On our first full day at Aliñahui we went for a walk through the ecological reserve up the road from the lodge. The Jatun Sacha reserve near Tena is one of 7 or 8 tracts of land all over Ecuador that are protected by an NGO of the same name. We checked in with the front desk, got climbing harnesses for the 30m platform, and set out to explore the trails. It was the wrong part of the day for wildlife viewing, but we think we heard some howler monkeys.

The platform was pretty intense. Jen couldn't quite hack it psychologically, and I fried like an egg on the metal platform at midday. It was fun to be up there though. The tower was really pretty flexible, but it felt safe, and with the climbing harness it was possible to get pretty bold about looking out over the edge and stuff. The heat was just too much... I was soooo sweaty, and I believe that one could have fried not only eggs, but bacon, up on the platform.

Our next stop was a waterfall on the other side of the river. We had fun walking up to the falls and swimming in the cool water. There were a couple of good spiders, and tons of mud, on the way up.

The next day we signed up for a birdwatching tour with a guide named Pedro. The night before Pedro asked us when we wanted to start... he suggested 6:20AM. I said that the earlier the better, so how about 6AM? He agreed. We slept through our alarms and met Pedro at about 6:20. Losers. Here's a list of the birds we saw. Four of the names are made up. Can you tell which they are?

• yellow-billed caracara
• cacique
• lesser simple brown musky poof
  
• flycatcher
• crimson-backed tanager
• ruddy ground dove
• chestnut-bellied seed-eater
• smooth-billed ani
• greater ani
• plenum-shanked roof-gnawer
  
• blue-grey tanager
• orange-backed troupial
• wood creeper
• black-fronted sunbird
• lettered araçaris
• hoatzin
• white-eared jacamar
• tropical kingbird
• slanty-fronted chichimincalocaco
  
• barbet
• roadside hawk
• chachalaca
• dacnis
• magpie tanager
• cranky orange-nippled wench
  
• yellow-tufted woodpecker
• black-capped donacobius
• yellow and orange oriole
  

More hoatzins; they were cool. And the toucanettes (fancy name: araçaris) were fun as well. Tanagers are amazingly colourful and fun to look at through binoculars. During the tour the guide also told us a couple of very weird stories about local indiginous people being murdered for their organs a few years ago! Apparently people were disappearing, and refrigerator trucks were seen rolling mysteriously around the area. This caused mass hysteria, paranoia and xenophobia among locals. I don't blame them. It has mostly worn off, but without reliable news media and/or local authorities to report on and prevent further activities like those, it has been really hard to figure out what the hell actually happened. No Google searches have revealed any useful information... so we have no idea what to think (beyond "whoa... jeez... hmmmph... wow...").

On the way back to the cabins we almost got eaten by a totally harmless snake. It was about 2.5m long, basking on a log... mostly black with yellow blotches. It was slung over the log such that when it slithered away its tail end was whipping and writhing around freely in the air. That was deeply troubling. Jen got a better look than I did, as usual. Damn.

On our trip back to Quito, we found to our surprise that none of the bank machines in Tena were willing to give us money, so we were only able to buy 30 cents worth of bread with our last money in the world, and got on the bus stone broke. That was sort of exciting, but not a real danger situation.

We stayed in a neighbourhood called Mariscal Sucre by the gringos, and Gringolandia by the locals. It was very comfortable, and stomach turning. Way too many tourists, overpriced bars, restaurants, etc. But very convenient for what we had in mind for our last couple of days there, namely souvenir shopping, a tour of Cotopaxi (volano/glacier park), and lots of wireless internet.

The tour of Cotopaxi on our last day in SA was an excellent choice. We didn't have time to sulk, because we were too busy climbing on glaciers and biking down very exciting, often soft, and pretty much totally washboarded road from the top of the mountain to the bottom. Our group was made up of a bunch of nice people from all over the place. Many americans. One of them, a teacher from Denver named Victor, was a perfect hybrid of our old friend Steven Presser, and our other mutual friend Rodney Wilts. So I hit it off with him and we had many laughs and covered a wide range of retarded subjects that we both found interesting (eg. hiring Prince as a housekeeper and making him dress like a monkey).

The bikeride down Cotopaxi was really awesome. My bike was only 25% too small for me, but the brakes were good, and I did catch some wicked air once or twice. I also came across a couple of fast and unsafe Israeli guys on my way down, lying in heaps on the wrong side of the handlebars with shocky looks on their faces. But there were no serious injuries, and we all made it down the hill, by bike or in ignominy in the back of the truck.

We were returned to Quito about 7PM where we packed up for the last time, and went out for a reasonably good Mexican restaurant called El Mariachi Taco Factory. Sounded bad, wasn't so bad.

We successfully distracted ourselves from the imminent departure, set our watches for 4:30AM, and laid our heads down for the last time! That's it! Nada mas.

Quito-Houston-Toronto was easy and fast, and there was really no problem adjusting to North American life.

Thanks for reading, and for the nice comments! I have been so happy to know that people actually found our stories interesting. And for people who are thinking of a trip to South America at some point in the future: Don't believe (or heed) everything you read in guidebooks and newspapers. In most important ways, South America is no more scary or dangerous than North America. The people are very warm and genuine, and the importance of family and community is very refreshing to see through North American eyes. People have less and waste less.... but they litter... and that's pretty much it, in a nutshell.

Tlön, Uqbar, Puerto Lopez...

We got off the plane in Lima covered in bites of all shapes, colours and sizes. My favourite was Jen's abdominal bedbug masterpiece shaped not unlike Perú. There are two main options for tourists visiting Lima; one is to stay near the old center of the city, and the other is to stay in an affluent suburb called Miraflores which is filled with coffee bars, malls, and overpriced groceries. We stayed in Miraflores - we came to South America for its malls.

We spent the first day wandering through the mall perched on the side of a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was actually an interesting concept, and unlike most malls, it didn't give me that special barfing feeling. It did give Jen that feeling, but for different reasons perhaps.

We made our way to the best museum in town on foot, which took quite a while and gave us a feel for greater Lima. It's busy, there are lots of wide roads and banks, and it is pretty clean, surprisingly. We expected a shit-hole, but were pleasantly surprised... it was a grunge-pit. The museum was cool; lots of pre-Columbian artifacts and miniatures of famous ruin sites. We felt like judges for a grade 5 diorama competition. At this point I have included a photo taken from the back seat of a combi (Toyota HiAce) containing about 16 people for your enjoyment.

After the museum we took a cab to the old town and hung out in the plaza for a while, reading about the various old buildings facing it. The best story involved a statue of Saint Whoever; the Spanish aristocrat who ordered the work requested that the saint be given A MAJESTIC CROWN OF FLAMES (una corona de llamas). The mestizo artist who executed the orders gave the statue A MAJESTIC CROWN OF LLAMAS! They're really cute, marching around the brim of the crown...

Our next destination was Trujillo, a 9 hour bus-ride north, on the coast of Perú. This town was remarkable for its utter lack of restaurants. We walked and walked, and only found one. Fortunately it served exquisite barbecued chicken and Pilsener.

The pre-Inca mud-brick city of Chan Chan (capital of the Chimú people), is the main attraction around Trujillo. The ruins were fascinating; the city originally covered some 25 square kilometers. There is an extensive restoration of certain parts of the ruins underway now, but a complete restoration would be prohibitively expensive, and much of the site has been built on anyway. We met an endangered native dog species, whose forebears were treated like royalty by the civilizations at Chan Chan. The dogs have no molars (nice breeding, dudes), and no hair (what's wrong with mutts again?), but seem fairly good-natured considering.

We found an interesting contemporary art museum on the outskirts of Trujillo and spend a great afternoon exploring the art and museum grounds. That's where the photo of the strange statue was taken. There were nice birds in the garden as well.

The next challenge was to cross the Perú-Ecuador border in a famously dodgy spot, between Aguas Verdes and Huaquillas. We weren't disappointed; it was dodgy and so much more. We were adopted by a young guy who showed us how to clear customs on both sides of the bridge separating the countries, and what bus companies to use, and how to get to Cuenca, our first Ecuadorian destination.

After wandering through the unpoliced no-man's land for about an hour, and becoming increasingly curious as to why our new youth friend was being so helpful, we learned that striking miners had set up multiple blockades on the road to Cuenca! So much for Cuenca... we changed our plans and went to the largest city in Ecuador instead, called Guayaquil. We had only barely heard of it before being diverted there, and we prepared for the worst.

When we were mostly organized and resigned to our new fate, our special escort told us that "the price" was $20 US for his services. We explained that for tourists, announcing the price of your service upfront is very considerate as it affords the consumer the opportunity to accept or decline. He said that without the $20 US, he wouldn't be able to cover the bribes for the border officials that would allow him to continue doing his job. I pulled out a $1 bill. He said that there was a very established system, and that $20 was the price, and that he would be thrown in jail and tortured if we didn't pay up. This type of NA vs. SA banter went on for a while, and eventually we managed to extricate ourselves from the dude and jumped on a bus out of that god-forsaken town. All the guidebooks say to avoid it, but we thought we were smarter than the guidebooks. Nope. Dumber!

We ended up staying in Guayaquil for five days, which was much longer that we expected to be there for. In fact, we hadn't expected to be there at all. It was a busy large city at the mouth of a wide inlet. The city had invested a huge amount of money into rebuilding the Malecón (boardwalk on the riverfront), so we would wander down there quite a bit, and also climbed Cerro Santa Anna, which is a little hill covered in interesting colonial buildings and topped by a lighthouse (with posters describing the evolution of the lighthouse lens, similar to the kind of work my brother Jon does).

The undisputed highlight of the city of Guayaquil was the city park full of iguanas. It was totally ridiculous. There were little girls tying bows on their tails, old men talking to them earnestly about failed investments, and teenagers smoking cigarettes with them. The ridiculous picture at right sums it up pretty well.

We also managed to catch a funky show put on by a stringy old guy with a hat (guitar, vocals), young hotshot bassist (he needed five strings) and other youngish guys. It seemed kind of like a university art teacher put together a band, and the audience was full of his (totally wasted) students.

Part of the reason we stayed so long in Guayaquil was to get a look at the Mangrove forest to the southeast of the city.We bussed down to the national park there, paid the $10 fee, then learned from the drunk/sleepy guard that there was no way of accessing the mangrove forests without a guide, and that he was unable to guide us! So we walked up the side of the mountain behind the park station, got totally mauled by mosquitos, and narrowly avoided being eaten by the same gigantic spiders we saw in northern Argentina! We did hear howler monkeys from the top of the hill, partly redeeming an otherwise grody and overpriced excursion.

Next stop: Puerto Lopez, a fishing town just south of Parque Machalillas, which contains Ilsa de la Plata, one of about 50 islands on the west coast of South America described as "the poor man's Galapagos". Well, we are poor, and one of us is a man... We imagined the spectrum of poor man's galapagoses: Totally destitute man's Galapagos, with a sick, brown-footed Booby? Welfare Galapagos with stuffed marble-eyed iguanas and seagulls atop landfill?

We had a great time in Puerto Lopez, walking along the beach and watching the fishermen haul in their nets and process their fish. One highlight was watching the marlin get dragged in, beheaded, untailed and generally hacked with giant knives. A good sized marlin would be sold to the local fish market for $25. We fantasized about buying a fish like that in Canada for $25, and having a really huge party. It would take about 100 people to eat one.

I AM NOW THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT HAS BEEN SHIT ON BY BIRDS!!! As you can see, the skies were totally filled with frigate birds, pelicans, and other interesting shorebirds, so I was really tempting fate. Frigate birds are huge... and you know what they say about the shit of big birds.

We were staying at a great place called Hotel Mandála, owned by a delightful Swiss and Italian couple with a passion for wood art and gardening! They have built the most incredible spot, and it only took them 8 years! It looks like it´s been there forever. The place was magic, filled with the most creative art.

I had a life-changing moment leafing through a book they had open at the front desk - a fictitious encylopaedia describing a fictitious world written in a fictitious language. At first I thought that some clever group of people had decided to realize elements from Jorge Luis Borges' story Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius (in which a secret society compiles a comprehensive encylopaedia describing a non-existant world which supplants reality) but they hadn't. I will leave it to the reader to search for this book themselves; I wouldn't want to deny anyone the great pleasure that comes with its discovery.

We went on a tour of Isla de la Plata the next morning, which involved a high-speed, high-octane boat trip over rough waters. We arrived on the island and had the choice between a couple of paths. We chose the Booby-rich route, and were not disappointed! We also got to hang out with a couple of albatrosses. They were pretty awesome.

The island was surprisingly dry considering how much water vapour there was in the air. For the most part, the trees were as leafless as Canadian trees in winter. We also saw blue-footed, Nasca, and masked boobies up close. Birds here are accustomed to humans, and also suffer from the Galapagos disease of never having to contend with natural predators.

After a very exciting 10-minute snorkel, in which we saw trumpet fish, and a whole whack of other beautiful bright things, we set out to do some whale-watching. We managed to catch up with a couple of humpback whales and saw them surface and blow four or five times, but there were no full-breech explosive whale launches (like we see in BC once every couple of days). Oh well.

The sun came out just as we were leaving Puerto Lopez... I enjoyed the highly atmospheric overcast weather, but poor Jen cursed the heavens with shaking fist. Our next stop was Cuenca, where we would meet up with our friend Francis Yang! Stay tuned...

Junglicious...

What follows is an account of our time in the primary sub-tropical forest in the Las Piedras region of Madre de Dios (loosely translated as HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHERE AM I?). I have transcribed the journal that I kept during our time there - I was barely able to convince my Chinese ballpoint pen (a Dong-A Anyball, bought for its name, not its ability to write) to work in the extreme humidity. I follow each day's entry with some posterior editorial comments, since many of my original thoughts have changed somewhat, seasoned by near-death experiences.

We flew from Cusco to Puerto Maldonado - a town about 3600M lower and 30 degrees hotter. Stepping off of the plane was like walking into a swamp factory. The air was very hot, very humid, and full of the smells of life. We took a tricycle taxi into town, checked in to the second dingiest hotel we could find, and prepared for an early-morning departure down the river. This is where my journal begins...

DAY 1: In Puerto Maldonado met the group and drove over bumpy dusty roads to the point where the Las Piedras river meets the Madre de Dios river. Got on the boat, a 20 ft. canoe with peque-peque (16HP Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine with a 6 ft. propeller shaft coaxial with the flywheel), and started up the river. Saw capuchin monkeys, many shorebirds (egrets, herons, tropical kingbirds, toucans, kiskadees etc.), and caimans hanging out on beaches. The caimans were surprisingly pale. Also saw a small anteater (called a tamandua) swimming across the river and climbing the bank. Camped on a sandy beach and ate pasta around two candles plunged into the sand. Beautiful stars - clear milky way. Very humid.

The boat ride was long and hot, but we didn't mind because this was our first foray into the jungle, end everything was new and exciting. We saw a big group of Hoatzin birds. They look and act like dinosaurs. There were 10 of us on the boat:
Emma - English expat owner/manager of Tambopata Expeditions, and their research station where we'd be staying for two weeks.
Pico - Boatman and general repairman/babysitter/jack-of-all-trades.
Allan (aka Chito) - Brother of Pico (and 11 other brothers), naturalist and guide.
Joseph - 2.5 yr-old son of Emma (with J.J., another of the 11 brothers of Chito and Pico).
Thor - Calgarian ecology student, and all-purpose snake-wrangler.
Dan - English biochemist and crack nature photographer.
Christina - American University student, Spanish language and resource management expert.
Peter - Irish zoology student, collector of surpassingly unlikely factoids, and full-time performance artist.
Neil and Jen - Jungle neophytes and snake-charmers both.

Day 2: Packed up and were gone by 6:30 AM. Another 6 hrs. to the station by boat. Passed illegal loggers with full loads of hardwood. They selectively log on other peoples' land. Saw a Harpy Eagle perched in a high treetop. They are rare and powerful. Arrived at the station at 2PM and moved into our room. Went to Pico's house at 4:30PM and saw toucans, piping guans, curassows and met Loulou, a resident juvenile giant anteater that is being nursed back to health at the station. She was found abandoned by the next neighbour down the river. Ate rice and canned tuna, tomato, cheese concoction for dinner, read, and went to bed under mosquito nets.

Jen had fun feeding Loulou... with Mobil Delvac 1450P. The dinner was good. Don't let the canned tuna fool you. Emma cooked for us that night, though usually on "work days" of volunteering cooking chores were divided among the six volunteers. Poor Emma did more than her share; Jen and I pitched in as much as we could. The rooms were very comfortable and nice, without screens, so mosquito nets were a must. Although in that season the sand-flies were much worse than the mozzies, and left small red itchy spots all over our ankles and wrists from the boat ride. This was only the beginning of the bug pain.

Day 3: Went for a group walk in the morning and heard and smelled peccaries. Very loud nut cracking noises, grunting from adults, wretching from juveniles, and indescribably musky odours accompanied them. Very angry grunts from adults when they thought we were too close. It was a group of 40-50. Everyone saw them but me, because I thought peccaries were monkeys! Lazy afternoon, swimming, reading etc.

Okay, so now I know that peccaries are wild pigs. I had a very long private laugh with Jen about this during the walk back to the station. Imagine me saying to Jen: "I didn't see a single peccary monkey! Where in the trees were they exactly?" Anyway, having a group of 40-50 of really smelly, loud, angry wild animals within a couple of meters of you in dense jungle is extremely exciting, especially when you think they're monkeys. We also saw a Caecilian that night, which is a legless blind amphibian. It looks like a millipede without any legs - a zeropede if you will.

Day 4: Trip to macaw lick, another walk, fishing in the afternoon with Pico, who has a severe limp resulting from a logging accident when he was a teenager which damaged his spinal cord. He took us in to the opposite bank of the river. We found nut casings, cut them open with a machete, and pulled out half-inch grubs from their insides. Every nut casing had 1-2 grubs! Then these grubs were used as bait to catch small fish in small pools in the low streams. Then these little fish were cut into small pieces which were put on hooks and used to catch larger fish! Rods were made from pintana wood. Everyone (Thor, Peter, Dan, Pico, me) caught a few fish. Pico got a big one with primordial triangular teeth.

Fishing was really fun. I love the "climbing the ladder" approach with bait. Pico was the only guy who ever caught anything worth eating... and Chito sometimes. We had to bushwhack a bit to get there. It was pretty fun. Peter grabbed a spiny tree and swore a lot. Thor and I were bitten 3 or 4 times by fire ants. Their stings are very painful and persistent. Now I can say I was bitten by fire ants. The personalities of the various volunteers and guides were slowly coming into focus by this time. They're all a bunch of crazy maniacs.

Day 5: First day of "work". I went out on a 5km "transect" (trail upon which one observes and documents animals) with Emma starting at 5:45AM. Saw many saddleback tamarins, dusky titi monkeys, capuchins, a yellow-footed tortoise, guans, Saki monkeys, and heard and smelled more peccaries. Got back at 11AM very tired and had a lazy afternoon. Jen did the first macaw lick shift with Christina and saw them feeding. At night we went out to the swamp and walked around in it with gum-boots (or Wellies, as everybody seemed to call them). Found tree frogs and many huge spiders. Also, a common whipsnake was up in the top of a sapling. ut my snake stick out and it crawled down towards me. I moved my other hand to the back of the stick and it jumped off and ran away. Initially Emma thought it was a vine snake, which is a bit venomous. But it wasn't one.

Transects required walking really slowly and quietly through the jungle for 4 hours. Doing them was extremely hard work. The swamp was extremely awesome. I love swamps, so to be walking around in one surrounded by all the critters I longed to meet as a kid was a dream come true. The spiders were spine-chilling. The snake photo (taken by Thor with his wicked Nikon F80) pretty much says it all... NB, at the time the photo was taken, we still thought this was a slightly venomous vine snake. Otherwise I would have had a cocky sneer on my face while giving the snake the finger. The snake stick was a converted 9-iron.

Day 6: Late macaw shift with Jen. Got up early (5:30AM) and went for a long walk alone, which was awesome. Heard red howler monkeys, which make a very eerie windy howling noise. Approached them and saw two groups of about 3 monkeys each. One was totally asleep lying on a 4" diameter branch. Another hung from his two legs and tail, then only his tail (!) to reach some succulent leaves below. Saw a bunch more tamarins, and heard/smelled more peccaries. Late macaw shift with Jen didn't yield anything interesting. Played Scrabble, won 320-220, on a wicked UK travel Scrabble board missing its J and five other letters. Went for a walk to the farm with Jen in the afternoon and saw a chacha (or something...roosting bird). We cooked tons of food today too. Veggie burgers, and Jen baked oatmeal cookies. Went to bed while the other group went for a night walk and found an AMAZON BUSHMASTER snake (very venomous and dangerous) and took 1000000 photos of it.

Walking alone was great. Being so much quieter and going at one's own pace generally means better wildlife viewing. Both Jen and I found it really hard to see animals in the bush though... the guides Emma and Chito had a supernatural ability to spot wildlife. They were constantly pointing things out that we would have walked right by.

Day 7: I did the early macaw shift with Peter, who is "especially autistic" (according to my own advanced system of diagnosis); he loves really weird shit and talking about it. Incapable of doing anything the standard/normal way, loves tasting hot peppers and creating inedible salsas with them. We didn't see any macaws feeding but had great conversations. Macaws were just hanging out in the bushes above the lick. In the afternoon, we hoisted Dan, Christina, and Peter up to a 30M observation platform. It was dusk and we were all a bit stressed. Hard work getting them up there. Then the water pumping system fucked up, and I helped Chito and Pico fix it. A misthreaded 2" PVC coupling broke. The broken pipe managed to ascertain my exact location and sprayed me with a high-pressure water beam for about 10 seconds before Chito had the presence of mind to kill the peque-peque connected to the pump head. We put in a replacement part, updated the priming method, and made it work after many gruelling trips up and down the hill from the pump. Went to bed really tired, but not before Pico found a rainbow boa in the undergrowth. A beautiful and fairly docile snake. We took photos (see photo at right) and Thor poked it to make it angry in order to increase the drama in the photos.

Sorry for the diagnosis Peter... first impressions and all that - but now, having gotten to know you better, I know that apologies won't register, and that you know that I know that you know that it's a compliment of the highest order. The key to the problem with the pump was actually the priming method. Emma had told the menfolk repeatedly how to prime the pump properly, but they ignored her. Eventually, after all hope had been abandoned and parts had been broken and replaced, they took her advice and the water flowed like... water, filling the 1000 litre tank perched above the kitchen. Emma 1 - Menfolk 0. The cumulative score is probably about Emma 87 - Menfok 4.

Day 8: No shifts. Woke up and drank coffee. Went to very refreshing waterfalls with the whole group. Quiet day.

"Quiet day" means "awesome wildlife everywhere"; we got used to the constant presence of giant insects, colourful birds, sweatiness, and indescribable jungle odours. These waterfalls were great. The big ones could really pound you. During swimming events like this one, about 80% of the conversation surrounded the famous candirú (or "urethra fish" as we came to call it) which can supposedly smell your urine (if you should happen to have such a substance leave your urethra while swimming, heaven forbid), find your urethra, and swim up it! They are barbed, and need to be removed surgically. Fact or fiction?

Day 9: Early macaw shift with Jen. Saw tons of macaws feeding on the lick, like, 20. Took a few good photos through binoculars. Got back and cooked quinoa for lunch, with fried plantains. Went fishing with Jen, Chito and Pico upriver. It was really fun but low on fish. Got back , went for a walk before dinner with Jen and Peter, and saw capuchin monkeys . Went for an evening boat ride to see caimans. Saw some small ones, and I picked up a weird little turtle from the beach. A fun night! Jen, Emma and I may have seen an ocelot! We saw the eyeshine (reflected light from the retinae of nocturnal beasts), and it seemed to behave more or less like a cat. The other guys (Peter, Dan, Thor) went out and saw a few snakes; vine snakes and swamp snakes.

I hope we saw an ocelot, but then, isn't it enough to just believe that we saw it? Wildlife viewing is funny that way. Like baseball games, it can be a more complete experience when watched on TV in your living room, complete with expert commentary and state-of-the-art camera work. The photo at right is the rainbow boa.

Day 10: I did transect "C" with Chito. Saw a very nice red brocket deer on the trail, while a bunch of curassows hung out in the background. Also saw a nice group of Saki monkeys with an infant! And spider monkeys. Jen did transect "A" with Emma, saw a single red howler monkey, and he didn't see her for about 5 minutes. He was in the sun and very bright. When he did see her, he ran through the branches above her and tried to shit on her head, without success. Had a long nap and played Texas Hold'em with Chito + Jen before dinner. Used uncooked beans as stakes. Played Euchre after dinner with Thor as my partner vs. Jen and Christina. We won 10-9.

And we though bird shit was bad. Note that I only report the outcome of competitive games when I am the victor. On a related note, with wildlife on the brain and in fairly good Scrabble form, I spelled MEERKAT covering two double-word scores. That was a very proud Scrabble moment, and I'd like to dedicate it to my dear friend Erich Gerner, whose dreams of placing such words paralyze him utterly during game-play.

Day 11: Late macaws with Jen. She has a diseased belly-button but it's getting better. Very few macaws on the lick. Made borscht early in order to go to the mammal colpa for overnight viewing with Peter, Jen, and Chito, but the battery for the searchlight wasn't charged, so we didn't go, and will go tomorrow instead. Christina and Emma saw two huge groups of peccaries today. Was planning to go to the swamp, but instead went down the path to transect "A" to try to find the AMAZON BUSHMASTER, and FOUND IT!!! Big head, very dangerous (see photo above); coiled up and waiting for rats to wander by. We checked him out for a while (Dan, Peter, Thor, me), then went walking up a stream. Saw a few 3 ft. caimans... Thor jumped one and caught it. We stumbled along for about 1.5 hrs. expecting to come out at the pumping station but didn't find it, so we turned around and trudged back. It was a hot, wet, sweaty, and generally frightening walking back. Arrived at the station at 11:3oPM and went straight to bed.

11:30PM is extremly late by jungle standards. That walk was hilarious though. There were interesting group dynamics, a fair amount of cursing and swearing, a lot of getting wet things thrust against your face and body, and swampy water slowly filling your boots. The bushmaster was something else again; visiting it first, and bushwhacking through moist and dense areas second was probably not the wisest decision from a psychological standpoint, but it added tremendously to the pageantry of the event.

Day 12: Got up early and went out with the menfolk to clear a trail with machetes. Took it upon myself to sharpen them with stone and water first. They were made keen and deadly. Lots of hacking was done. Developed wicked blisters on my right hand. Then made lunch and burned my foot with pasta water, then lodged cooked egg under my thumbnail, which totally killed. Bad health day! Packed a dinner and went out to the mammal colpa with Peter, Jen and Chito. Ate dinner at 6PM in the colpa and went to bed right after. Woke up at 1:30AM and didn't see any mammals. We hung out for a while longer checking for mammals every 5 minutes, but saw nothing. Very weird experience, sleeping under 4 mosquito nets, having demented dreams. Jen had dreams about seeing tigers, jaguars, all manner of jungle cats at the colpa, and also dreamt that I murdered a child (!!!) in a house owned by an old Italian lady, and strangled me when she found out I did it.

The mammal colpa experience was really bizzare. First of all, a colpa is a naturally occurring mineral lick where animals go to replenish their minerals, especially salts, which neutralize toxins from vegetation (or something like that - the jury is still out, apparently). The research station has built a wooden platform overlooking a colpa where mammals supposedly come to lick. We didn't see any. But going to bed at 6PM and waking up in the middle of the night and having to remain totally silent to look for mammals is kind of fun. Well, I thought so. Jen was psychologically unhinged for some days following. Chalk it up to jungle experience, I say.

Day 13: Awoke at the colpa and walked back before breakfast. Ate Mr. Noodles for breakfast. Went down to the garden and planted veggies. Very hard work. Came up for lunch and ate, then packed our bags. Went swimming at the waterfalls again and saw a dead rat at the foot of the large falls, proving Peter's theory that one should be careful standing under waterfalls! Saw a beautiful kingfisher on the way back.

And that was the last entry. At this point the writing gets really small, shaky, faint, and then it just trails off...

The boat trip back was faster as we were going with the current. We spent the next day wandering around Puerto Maldonado, or just Puerto as the locals call it, and visited an animal sanctuary with Thor. It was interesting to see the beasties up close, in particular the peccary monkeys, and other assorted monkeys, but unfortunately a lot of them were sick with unknown illnesses and were on their way out. We ate at an outdoor barbecue place and had Pacú again (see Buenos Aires chapter concerning fatty fish), but this time it didn't cost $28!

Doing the jungle justice is really hard, but hopefully the pictures and the general craziness exuding from the journal entries above will help. It's not a place for the faint of heart... but it has changed the way I think about wilderness. In places like Las Piedras the contrast between the astounding biodiversity and the factors serving to erase it (oil exploration, illegal logging, etc.) is unmistakeable and stomach-turning. These places are being destroyed. They can't be replaced. These are clichés until you see them acted out first-hand.

We got on a plane to Lima and kissed Madre de Dios goodbye. We both loved it, and would go back in a second to exactly the same place, with exactly the same people! Emma, J.J., Chito and Pico have their hearts and their heads in just the right places.